Looking Up
by MisguidedGhosts2010
Summary: What would happen if Jacob and Bella never became best friends during New Moon? What if Bella never became an adrenaline junkie? Where would that leave Edward and Bella? ExB:AU


**I do not own anything in this story :P**

**Except for Hayley... well, I did get the name from the one and only Ms. Williams... but... she's a blonde!**

**My longest fic so far. **

**Yay.**

**UPDATE: Now edited! Yay!**

Three years.

Three, miserable, lonely years, and yet it felt like a decade since my heart was forcibly ripped from my chest.

_'Damn that fucking cashier for reminding me' _I thought venomously as I began glaring at the poor teenager who obviously used too much hair gel this morning.

I glanced around the room, and my eyes eventually landed on my best friend, Hayley, who was invested in some rock music magazine.

"Don't want you," she murmured as she quickly turned past a page.

_"You… don't… want me?"_

Flinch.

_"No."_

I immediately felt nauseous, but I shoved that feeling away, and attempted to bottle the rest of the flashbacks that continued to haunt me.

_"Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… __tired_ of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human"

No, stop it righ-

_"You're not good for me, Bella."_

Forget it.

_"Don't worry. You're human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."_

I wish buddy,

_"I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."_

No, just STOP IT BELLA! Dammit!

Luckily, I was brought out of my trance.

"Are you okay Bella? You better not be going all psycho bipolar on me, I have enough PMS fits for the both of us." Hayley winked while I attempted to grin.

"I just zoned out for a minute there."

"Zoned out? I wacked you on the head with a magazine! It's more like knocked out! What's making you act all..." she trailed off, unsure of how to explain my occasional 'Zombella' moments, as she nicknamed it.

"It's nothing, really Hayles, I'm ju-" the blonde cut me off, "It's hi-, I mean that, isn't it?"

"Of course not!" my too quick objection cued a famous Hayley eye roll. "That's total bullshit Bells, if that dude fucked you up that badly; I might have to Google that jackass and chase him around with a baseball bat."

I faked a laugh.

She finally let it go and went back to her magazine while I focused on the French Vanilla Cappuccino in front of me, remembering the first time I had experienced my best friend's sarcastic, magazine whacking antics.

It had been three miserable months, and for the first time in a year, Forks had a new student.

I didn't give a fuck at the moment; I was too busy focusing on the immense, painful gap in my chest when I detected another presence at the mainly vacant Cullen table. _God, it even hurt to say their last name._

"Bonjour chica!"

My eyebrows shot up in surprise at the 'new girl', as she cheerfully sat next to me.

"I hope you aren't anti-social or anything, but those other chicks really need to cut down on their 'likes'. It's getting really annoying."

I shook my head, "I'm not antisocial."

"Well, you're either PMSing or an axe murder, I have my fingers crossed for the first, I like having my limbs attached to my body." I grinned, briefly, and from then we were pretty much inseparable, what with her constant jokes it was hard to be miserable _all _the time.

But there were some things sarcastic humor couldn't fix, as Hayley and I both learned. I just phrased it as a 'bad breakup', but I think Hayley has always had an inkling that it was something more, considering two years later this was still an issue.

I was brought, once again, back to the present by my slender blue eyed companion's wolf whistle.

"Bella," she whispered grinning, "red head, booth 7 is staring at you. I have to say, if his personality is as good as his looks; he'd be quite the keeper." she winked, "Good thing I'm already taken, or there would be one hell of a catfight!"

I rolled my eyes and turned around, curious to see who Hayley had already classified as a possible love interest, which was extremely doubtful.

* * *

"Shit!"

Quickly ducking my head and trying not to pass out, I turned to my best friend in a panic.

This could not be happening, not here, not now.

He didn't want me, so I'd be the one leaving this time.

"I think I left my purse at work, I need to go." I lied; not even trying to bother to pretend what I was telling was the truth.

Hayley's eyes narrowed on my retreating figure, and she quickly followed me out of the Starbucks. "What the fuck was that?"

"It's complicated" I muttered, arms crossed across my chest as I hurried through the New York boardwalk.

"I like complicated things, why the hell do you think Vanilla Sky is my favorite movie?"

"It's not like a damn Tom Cruise movie Hayley, now just please let it g-"

Ouch! Who the hell puts walls in the middle of the sid-

Well, shit out of luck doesn't even begin to describe literally running into Edward Cullen, again.

Is it possible to be deliriously happy and mortified at the same time.

"Can we talk?"

Sure guy who completely fucked me up, why don't you tear me into more shreds after I sign up for an asylum?

Hayley, bless her, had noticed my immense shock and cut in.

"Hang on buddy; before you're takin' my friend here anywhere, I have to be positive you aren't a rapist serial killer intent on ridding New York of pretty brunettes."

"I can assur-"

Edward's soft melodic voice was painful to my ears, but Hayley interrupted him yet again,

"Bullshit, then why did Bella almost pass out from seeing you?"

"It's fine Hayles, trust me" I managed to let out.

Her eyes narrowed, and she simply made the 'I'm watching you' motion with two fingers and walked away, but in safe seeing distance.

I think I'd forgotten how utterly and tragically beautiful he looked, and I attempted to ignore the hope attempting to weave it's way into my brain.

"What do you want?"

My voice was bitter, morose, and a saw a flash of pain in his now pure black eyes.

Yet he looked at me as if I was water in the middle of a outrageously dry desert.

I chided myself for thinking something so incredibly far fetched.

_"I don't want you"_

The words were like a mantra in my head.

"Bella, I'm so sorry, so, sorry for what I've put you through."

Yeah, right.

I shook my head sardonically, "Sorry? Well, great to know! So I suppose you can stop feeling guilty and everything" I began to ramble.

"No, no I can't Bella. That's the thing, that's why I came to New York, because I'm miserable without you. Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever don-"

Oh please Ed-, you.

"Seemed pretty easy to me," I challenged, blinking back the inevitable tears.

Looks like we broke each other's poker faces.

I tried to fight him off as he encircled two stony arms around my waist, but I ended up with my arms around his neck, sobbing like a pathetic three year old, and suddenly grateful that he had pulled us into an abandoned music store.

Wait, when did that happen?

Hayley waved from the storefront window, as I peeked from the crook of Edward's neck.

"I never stopped wanting you Bella, loving you. I left you because I was afraid of the dangers my own world brought to your life."

I shook my head, not wanting to have my hope shattered once again.

"I'll always love you Bella, being without you; for two miserable years was a living hell."

"Bul-" he interrupted me yet again, pain evident in his beautiful face, "I've told you a million times that I loved you, how could you let one word break your faith in me."

"It's not the simple!" I shouted, pulling myself back from his cool arms.

And it wasn't, he had to know that, he's the one who left.

"Bella, I'll never forgive myself for what I did to you. I'll never stop regretting that decision that pained the both of us. " he trailed off, misery evident in his eyes.

I avoided his eyes, warily as I nearly backed into an expensive looking guitar.

He stepped forward,

"Bella, please, look at me."

I couldn't, one look at his eyes and my resolve would vanish.

"How can you believe the lie but not the truth?"

His hands were cupping my face now, and I was forced to bring my eyes to his.

"Because,"

He waited for my next words, patiently.

"It never made sense for you to love me." I managed to murmur as he held me to his chest, once again.

God, I felt so heavy in his arms.

"Love, I should be the one saying that."

I snorted, shaking my head while he smirked sardonically.

"But, if you can't bring yourself to forgive me, I wouldn't blame you. Just know, that I'll always be in love with you. No matter what Bella,"

Momentarily dazzled, I swallowed, and told him what I had been wanting to say for three years.

"I love you, Edward"

Suddenly it didn't hurt to say his name anymore.

He grinned, blindingly, and closed the gap between our lips.

I responded, enthusiastically, and wrapped my arms even tighter around his neck.

It was like the gap in my heart never even existed.

We parted, me gasping for air and Edward pulling me under his chin and kissing the top of my head affectionately.

It was not until then we registered Hayley's completely shell shocked expression.

I burst out laughing, and Edward smiled, then whispered in my ear,

"Apparently, I've been crossed off the possible serial killer list."

* * *

We finally walked out of the empty shop while Edward wrapped his arm around my waist as we headed towards Hayley, whose jaw never quite went back to its original position.

"So, I take it you guys know each other pretty well?"

"Extremely well"

Everything wasn't perfect, yet, but it was pretty damn close to it.


End file.
